Published October 24, 2009
I spent today looking at others people work, learning, reviewing and giving my opinions. I wasn't sure I was going to do any writing today, then after arguing with myself, I made a decision. I was going to write today.
I was going to make the story captivating, suspense-filled, exciting and all together beautiful but with a twist. As usual, I chose a category as well as a topic. I decided what the story would tell as well as how to tell it. I decided from where it will start and how I would like to bring it to an end. I began.
It went beautifully, my mind watching my story unfold, my fingers fervently typing on the keyboard. Sometimes I stopped to check grammatical errors,replace words with their synonyms to reduce repitition and check my punctuation marks. I was already seeing the reviews about my work, my points increasing, so on and so forth. It was a fantastic feeling knowing that I'll soon be able to submit and share my masterpiece.
Suddenly, from the corner of my eye I saw a light blink orange. "Shouldn't this be green?" I wondered. Then it became green. Suddenly, what happened dawned on me. My system was rebooting! My beautiful story gone down the drain! I wanted to cry, to scream, to almost go mad. Instead I calmly waited for my pc to reboot and here am I, telling you what happened to me...suddenly.
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,524 Reviews
i agree with Critiq.
I liked the story. It is because it happens to everybody that makes it so interesting. What makes your case so special is that you chose to write about it.
I wonder if you could make it a bit longer though?
In the place where you say, "I was going to make the story captivating, suspense-filled, exciting and all together beautiful but with a twist."
It may be easier to read if you put a coma after "beautiful."
That is all I noticed. I really like the story as a whole.
I'd sum what this piece up as "It happens to all of us. What makes your case so special?"
But otherwise, it was still rough. I won't deal with all the irksome grammar mistakes and such.
First off, start off with a better slant that grabs attention and doesn't put your reader to sleep. Don't repeat write/writing in the first paragraph. You could just make it "At first, I wasn't going to write, but then I decided that I would."
Then, what's a 'category'? Never heard that term really used before. Use 'genre' or something like that. And too many I's- vary sentence construction.
Third paragraph's okay, but be aware it makes you look vain. But next paragraph... well, first off, just say the light turned off and on again. More universal. Be less of a drama queen. And you definitely don't end your story with "this is why I wrote my story", in addition to making your work sound rushed. And get rid of the ...suddenly. What point does it serve?
Really, what point does any of this serve? If you were actually writing about something interesting, I can see you'd do awesome. But this story has no purpose. If it was slapped together, it shows.
Whenever you write a story, ask yourself one thing.
"What is the point of this story?"
And trust me, writing is much better when you have an answer.
I know the feeling, I have lost quite a few good peices that way. It really really stinks! My suggestion is to always work in Word. Normally, they have built in back-up for things to like this. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining, so now that you've wrriten it once, it will be easier to write a second time, if that makes you feel any better. But I've been there, it really is the worst.
Audrey
Oh man, that's rough.